Am I the only one who looks at this list and just feels overwhelmingly, terribly not-good-enough? I do not think it is cruel to ask people to let go of the guilt. I agree, we live in a time when we are bombarded by messages about what to do with, to and for our children. It is partly because of this overwhelm that I wrote this list.
It helped me start to think about small things I could do to celebrate those people, and it helped me remember that I have a choice about my actions. Even when I am exhausted I can choose kindness- not that I always manage to do that! The thing is, in order to be our best selves, we really DO need to take care of ourselves. Yes, it is on you to take care of you.
The great thing and the difficult thing is that means you get to make the choices in your life. It is not easy, but I think it is empowering.
The Fisher-Price God: A Call to Childlike Play ~ The Imaginative Conservative
Not for long. Katherine, thank you for your eloquent words. Thanks again. Thank you for this list!! And especially for the printable version. I just wanted to say thank you for number I adopted both of my children and so often it is not brought up on sites like this. Just you mentioning it made my heart swell. There were definitely some items I do on a regular basis, some that I have yet to do, and some that I just needed a little reminder to do more often.
I stopped reading, turned to face him, and gave him my full attention while he explained all about it and he is a boy of MANY words! Seeing his little face light up while he talked was simply the best. When he left to go build more Legos, I returned to your list, and within a minute, I had reached Make it your own. No one is grading you on this. No one is checking off what you have or have not done. Use it as a starting point. I sooo needed this today.
Thank you for these awesome reminders. My 2 year old son has my nerves in knots and this list brought me back to reality and my role as his mommy. I have a 20 yr. Yes, they are 16 years apart! It was really neat to read this list and see how many of the things I have done and some that I can do in the future! Having a grown son has really helped me to do things a little differently with my daughter.
Since I have gone through every stage, I know what to expect in the future. It sure is fun sharing our experiences! Thank You! What a wonderful, wonderful list. I was just about to head upstairs to remind the little sweethearts! Blow up balloons for no special reason. Great list!! I think more parents should give their children love and say their sorry! I have a 2 year old son with another boy due in just a couple weeks. My is: cuddling on the couch with cookies and watching whatever TV show he wants. I get most of my kisses, caresses, and lingering hugs in during this time.
Physical affection is important for children, so where ever it can be snuck in is amazing even during tv time. Well, now I am. The whole list is amazing giving me ideas I never thought of. But then I quickly realized I do show him in many of the ways listed and now have learned a few more. Hi Michelle, Those ones hit hardest for me emotionally while I was writing this as well. I am so thankful for this amazing article! Its nice to be reassured and encouraged to be the best version of yourself, especially when you sometimes doubt your parenting skills.
Its very helpful tools that you can also feed off of. Read it and get your own ideas as well. Go through the list and highlight things you look forward to doing with your child. Lets face it. However, there are lots of good ideas hre. Just experiment with it! It goes so fast. So mind-blowingly fast. Absorb each day, week, month and year.
Especially for younger children. A great reminder. I try to do most of these things because I am an older Mom. I have to treasure every moment of every day. If I get in a bad mood, my son makes me smile. Then, I realize that the day will go so fast and he will grow up and be gone. That is what keeps me going. Life is so short, and I want to enjoy every second if possible.
My son held my hand today, and I thought to myself, how much longer will he hold my hand? Because I have an older son that is 30 and married, I learned how fast they start their own lives and fly away.
- The Mystery of Children: What Our Kids Teach Us About Childlike Faith.
- Women of Letters, Manuscript Circulation, and Print Afterlives in the Eighteenth Century: Elizabeth Rowe, Catharine Cockburn and Elizabeth Carter (Palgrave ... Romanticism and the Cultures of Print).
- Childlike, But NOT Childish.
- Fight Cancer ... Your Way: Suggestions for Taking Control.
That is what we want though. To see our children happy, healthy, and secure in their life. I love the list. It makes me smile at how lovely my son is. The number of folks brought to tears by the list indicates to me the fundamental challenge and the poignancy of parenting that we all face. I just wanted to let other parents of special needs children know that the sentimental power of the kindnesses are as beautiful as they are painful.
I truly feel god has led me to this list. My When your child does something right or is about to do something wrong and you want to encourage them to make a better choice , find a reason to clap wildly for them. I wish you would make a list just for teenagers. Things get harder then! It is also harder to communicate unconditional love to a teen trying to be independent and trying to forge an independent identity.
Yes, my kids right now are 1. Someone else has asked me about creating a teenager list as well, I think I may have a new blog assignment to research and write…. This is a fabulous post! You made me smile. I always wish I could reply to more comments, so thank you. Apparently I do OK. My no. Feedle is your littlest finger, Fum is your thumb. You then introduce your child to each character and they can go on whatever adventure you want for however long you have.
Feedle must have a little squeaky voice, Fum has a deep voice and the others fill in the octave We usually wake them up and they stretch, eat breakfast, go for a hike over the snow-capped mountains duvet covered knees and crash through the jungle long hair, round ears is good They can ask your child questions about their day, or any other crazy ideas you might have. I often get my kids to kiss each finger goodnight and they all go to sleep in my pocket.
Great thing is they are always available and every night is a different adventure! Thanks Kate, what a great idea with the fingers. My youngest knows that even tho daddy is away, he is still very important to daddy. What a glorious post, and thank you for pointing out the obvious to me on a few things because it makes a difference. This made me smile and shed a tear, so many of these are such simple things that just get over looked in the hustle and bustle of everyday.
I will be taking a careful look at myself from now on. Thank you x. Hi, loved your post! I got a request from my Russian-speaking friends to translate this into Russian. I will make sure to link back to you! Me too! Sometimes I am but there is a fair bit of going over old ground, which is clearly important to them. I love that they want to share it all but I sometimes find it hard to maintain interest. Our no. Has lasted for hours and makes us all happy and we have a lot of ginormous pictures.
Great List! I appreciate it because all this time, I thought I was doing my best! I just read how to improve my connection with my daughters.. Thank you so much. Honestly, my biggest struggle is 65 showing them how to do something rather than banning them! I am excited to start is new journey with my daughters. I think about this list often and love your new poster.
My is to let your child give you a makeover and paint your nails. The nails may not look perfect but she takes such pride in her work! I found this on Pinterest, and had to share it because it is so important! Thanks so much for putting this out there! Me encanto realmente!!! I love it!!! Love this list! I have a 16 year old girl and a 12 year old boy. Their childhood is running out. I will forever be grateful that when they walk in a room and want my attention they have it.
My kids have each commented that they like that I stop what I am doing and give them my full attention when they want to talk, even if it is just about their day or a book they read. Sure, we chat while we do things but if they show up to talk, I show up to listen. I love your comment. I have a 21 month old so he still needs me a lot but I will remember this when he gets older. If he shows up to talk, I will show up to listen. I make a real effort everyday to respect when she tells me NO so that she will know her wishes are important to me and that it is okay to say no.
I make a real effort everyday to respect when she tells me NO so that she knows her wishes are important to me and she learns that it is okay to say no. This is wonderful. Been strugling with helping my daughter with my grandson. I think we all need to practice kindness more.
Let them overhear you telling others how wonderful they are and how much you love them. Never let them hear you complain about them or say negative things about them to others. Thank you for the list. It is an easy way to remember to do the little things, and I love that it can be a poster. I desperately needed this tonight. I really needed this. Always show your child love and affection no matter what!!
Loved this!! This list is awesome! Shared it on FB with my which is give him a massage. At 5 months old, he lights up like a Christmas tree at the smell of the balm and the sounds if my hands warming up. Parenting is full of best moments but this is close to the top! It always makes her smile big, she loves it! Yikes, this is a quite a list. Makes me feel like a bad parent for not doing all of these things.
Surely there is enough pressure already to be a perfect mum?! I feel depressed! Hi Alissa, your ways to be kind to your child is a beautiful reminder of those moments of grace in parenting. Gives me added hope that I am not a lone ranger in giving my child an abundance of kindness!!!! Give and then give some more!!! I especially like your one about talking in a sweet voice even if you have to fake it. Disneyland is always happy and so should be our home. Some times we get so involved in our everyday life that we forget to tell our children how important and how much we love them.
I learned that when my son got in trouble by making the wrong decisions and hanging with people. He choose those people because he felt pulled between me and his father. His father and i were so busy hating each other through a divorce that we forgot about his feelings.
He found the wrong kind of love and went to jail. I lost a part of me when he called and said he was in jail. I had to catch my? I could hear the fear in his voice. At that time i knew i needed to give him hope. So i wrote him everyday and told him that he is loved, and he makes me? I think about you when we are apart, my world is better with you in it. I will do my best to keep you safe. I have faith in you. I know you can handle this. I pray to God to keep you safe. Tou are deserving, you are strong. You can say no, words are powerful, and actions are too.
Then the next time he called me he said his dad picked him up from jail and he was home and very tiered. Now he is feeling the love of me and his dad has joined a youth ministry and i got a chance to see him except the lord on mothers day and that was the greatest? Gift any mother could ask for? I find this question usually opens up lots of discussion. I would love to have this printed out! Thank you so much for this amazing list!
I really needed this today! I have been struggling to connect with my kids and will be printing it and putting it on my fridge! I came to read this because I have been having a hard time with my oldest I want to make a big act of kindness and then repeat the rules and expectations.
I want him to know that I love him but he still has to do some work around here. This is such a wonderful list. I also like your recommendation to tell our children that sometimes we struggle too. This is very helpful, Alissa. I am a single mother of 2 boys and honestly, there always comes a time when I get too exhausted I forget how to be a kind and loving mom to them. Thank you very much, this article is truly a blessing, I immediately signed up in your website. God bless! I love ur suggestions and the fact that they are so simple and easy 2 achieve.
I teach at a preschool and was wondering if u mind if I print them out and share it with the parents? It would be much appreciated. My additions… Delight: Have a picnic dinner on your front lawn. Pretend: Things have different uses. Very cute and the kids love it and feel special! I absolutely love this. I really needed this right now. Thank you so so so much for posting this. To be there when they open their eyes, with a smile a hug and a good morning my beautiful child.
Love these 99 ways. Thank you for being a conscious parent and sharing your ideas! I love him so! I see posts like this frequently, but none as well written as yours. This is exactly what I need to be reminded of. This was a well thought out list and I enjoyed reading it. Great find on Pinterest. Those are two things I think would have helped me with my parents. I felt alone and unhelpful, weak and useless at times. My mother trusted me and it meant everything, I knew she had my back, my father was a different story.
Give your child kisses for their pocket before they go to school or any other place way from you. Never let your child go to bed sad. Always kiss him good night and tell him I love You. Always say good morning. Always talk about their day when they get home from school. Thanks for all the ways I can love my babies! This is so sweet.
They grow up so fast and that little time needs to be filled with good memories and love. Their behaviour as a grown person can hopefully reflect the love they received and impact others they come in contact with throughout life. If you are religious you could pray for them. One thing my 6 yr old son and I do sometimes not often enough is what we call talking in the dark. I lie in his room with him before he goes to sleep, with the lights off of course, and we just talk about whatever comes up- sometimes silly sometimes not, wherever the conversation takes us.
Intersection of Life and Faith
Thank you so much for your article! Do you know of a list of ways to love a teen? I need to search for one when I have more time. I ran across your list and read thru it to see if any could still apply and so many wonderful memories popped into my head as I realized I could have wrote this list and more.
I have a wonderful relationship with my 17 year old son, we have lived this list and we have so many wonderful memories because of it. I love that you put it out as a reminder that this list is more important than anything happening in your life because it fills the world with so much more love. It is those little moments that can add so much joy to your relationship. Having a son that is almost an adult I could use more suggestions from parents who have loved those adult years in a similar way to the young years.
It can be something as simple as a bookstore, a favorite restaurant, a drive-in movie, an ice cream, a picnic on my bed with movies even. It is the one thing I learned from my father who died when I was 11 and left my mom to raise 5 of us alone. Those little mystery trips, even the ones where I was little and it was a ride to see the leaves changing, mean even more now than they did at the time. I gave my baby sister those mystery trips as soon as I could drive because I felt it was important she didnt miss out, and I did the same as I raised my son alone from the time he was 2 until now.
Kristy — I have been wanting to write a list for the teen years. I will be sure to email you should it come to fruition. I love this! I would definitely add: Try to look after yourself and manage your own stress. It is incredibly important! He had a verbally abusive father with a very short temper. As a consequence of his childhood experiences, my partner cannot manage stress and his emotions in a healthy way, which has now manifested into an auto-immune disease.
There is a strong link between chronic illnesses, such as cancer and asthma, and your childhood experiences with stressed parents and a lack of attachment with them. The way you care for and treat your child now, can have a significant effect on their chances of becoming ill in the future. Reading it almost brought tears to my eyes. They look forward to this especially on high strung days..
Now just thinking about it brings out a smile. My fave way to show my kids kindness is a sincere apology to them when I mess up as a parent. We do this every night at the dinner table and have been for 5 yrs our oldest is 6. It starts conversations and it helps find everyday things that we are thankful for.
This is so touches my heart. I appreciated the opening paragraph as well. With my kids, we all try to be silly sometimes. Bubble in your milk Mondays…. Join them on the swings…. Have fun with your children. Love this post! Always ending in much laughter… a spirit-lifter for all! We do kissing hands book by the same name everyday before school and bed since reading the night before pre-school started.
Love was a magic that would keep them happy and warm and cozy. It settled him right down and he went back to sleep. What a wonderful list. We were so excited that we had done almost everything on the list when our kids were little. We shared it with our new-found friends with an 18 month old little girl, and they loved it as well. Thanks so much! I love this article. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read.
Other editions. Enlarge cover. Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Details if other :. Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. More than a manual on parenting, this book is for everyone who wishes to become childlike in heart or to be closer to children--two desires that are intimately and wondrously entwined. Get A Copy. Paperback , pages. Published July 17th by WaterBrook Press first published More Details Original Title.
Other Editions 3. We are simultaneously exhausted and bored. The result thus far is an over-worked, over-stressed, perpetually distracted, lonely, depressed, desperate culture. While the task of tending to the chores of the garden appears to be nothing but enjoyable when working together, things take a dramatic shift when Eve considers that the principles of utility and efficiency might just trump the principle of delight. She reasons with Adam:. We cannot ever truly be at play because it is, simply put, not useful. As Josef Pieper quietly warned us:.
The vacancy left by absence of worship is filled by mere killing of time and by boredom, which is directly related to inability to enjoy leisure; for one can only be bored if the spiritual power to be leisurely has been lost Leisure: The Basis of Culture. Consider the unlikely hero of the narrative. While Tolkien had at his disposal the opportunity to choose from amongst the powerful wizards, and the warrior elves, the valiant dwarves, and even the mighty human kings, he prefers rather to center upon the humble, small-in-stature, defenseless hobbit, who possesses no particular power except the power of simple living and genuine, relational love.
It is this diminutive, physically powerless character who Tolkien tasks with guarding and even conquering the most daunting force in all of middle earth, the Ring. For the hobbit, life is not bent on over-productivity, power, fame, or accumulation of stuff. They want nothing to do with the world of war and political domination that occurs with regularity outside of its little shire.
They are not tempted by the extravagances of luxury and excess. Rather the hobbit community is especially predicated on relationships, on fun and laughter, on simplicity of living, community, and mutual love. They have no need for the superfluous goods of power, prestige, and pride because they are wholly content in the abundance of genuine, loving community.
They have the most minimal of political structures. Nothing about them is fast or hasty. In other words, the foundational ethic for the hobbit is not one of work, but one of play. Community takes priority over efficiency. Identity is not found in the individual, but in the mode of playful community. In the Shire, play and work are one and the same, as they are all shared activities. Quality has overcome quantity.
But it is precisely for this reason that we cannot assume this to be an underdog story. When presented with the task of disposing of the ring, that is, when presented with the calling of who ought to be the very person to touch the most dangerous, most powerful, perhaps even the most evil element in all of the world, the hobbit is not merely an accidental nominee, but is exactly the person who is most suited to the task. Because the hobbit has been so shaped by a story of Play and Community rather than the more common story of Work and Independence, it is he who is least likely to be led astray, to be allured by the influence of the ring.
And it is for this reason that the hobbit, the only one who does not rely upon physical power, is, contrary to reason, the most powerful creature in The Lord of the Rings. For where wizardry dazzles and sword and spear wreak terror, it is only in humility and humor that evil itself is conquered. As it concerns the Gospel of Christ, the hobbit is, as it were, the most likely of heroes.
In the Cross, God reminds us of his true power, so unrivaled, so fierce, for God is the only person strong enough to exult in true humility, the only One able to stoop so low, the only One able to utterly humiliate himself, if only to restore Community. And though no one has ever been more thoroughly exiled from creation than our Incarnated Creator, somehow, the laborious tears of Christ have been turned into the laughter and redemption of humanity. For the Cross, by the mysterious power of Divine Humility and the ironic twist of Eternal Humor, has conquered the evil of history.
Christ has assumed the independence and utility that we sought but could not, for good reason, attain. No one has been more alone than in that moment of dereliction. No one has accomplished a more formidably efficient work than the salvation of all of creation. And, yet, independence and utility were put to death on the Cross, in exchange for an offer, a gift, of delightful play. This gift can be gained neither through dividing nor through conquering.
It is rather in the form of a Christmas present, as it can only be unwrapped and then joyfully indulged. It may not be accidental that we address our Father, as if the tone is that of a dependent child beseeching the help of the one who brought him into this world. Indeed, the requests of this prayer, when approached from this perspective might appear to have the logic of an adult, but there is little doubt it demonstrates the dependency of a child. Indeed, if the adult has grieved anyone regularly, it is none other than a self-grievance, as the adult does not imagine themselves under the authority of anything but their own self-will.
Any grievance the child commits, even if it is seemingly a self-grievance, is, likewise, if not more so, a grievance against the parent. A simple glance upon the whole of the Prayer reveals nothing of the independent, self-sufficient adult of modernity. We cannot be true to such a prayer if we do not approach it with childlike faith.
Undoubtedly this has Divine ramifications, but might it also not mean what the words clearly indicate, a Child? That the incarnate Word of Creation was enfleshed in a baby could indicate more than we sometimes realize. Yes, a son, or, a child, often only mimics what they see their parents doing.
This is simply how a child develops. The adult relishes the freedom of independence, when they are finally able to head off to the university and become their own person, doing their own things, thinking their own thoughts, and, ultimately, not mimicking their parents. But the child relishes the opportunity to work alongside the parent, to work like they work, to play like they play, to do what they do.
And so, the Son mimics the Father. Indeed, the Son cannot mimic that which he has not witnessed his Father doing, for the Son learns everything he knows from watching the Father. And it is a departure from childhood that dooms Adam and Eve. The thirst for self-sufficiency and independence ushers them into adulthood. But this is not a joyous occasion of maturation. As a young calf cut off from its mother, so now Death could be the only result of children cut off from their Parent. It is not so much that they are simply disobedient, but, more so, Adam and Eve have revoked their status as children, as if they are no longer in need of a Provider.
They desire to wander off on their own, into the irrational and immature world of independent adulthood. The result is that their new-found adulthood is painful, exerting, and, as time will tell, lonely. Only an adult can imagine a heaven more predicated on stuff than on community. But children know that there is no lasting play without playmates. And, so, if we should ever wish to understand our own nature, let us look no further than to the One whose image we reflect:. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them.
It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we G. Chesterton, Orthodoxy. Will you help us remain a refreshing oasis in the increasingly contentious arena of modern discourse? Paradise Lost. Book IV, Lines New York: New American Library, Leisure: The Basis of Culture. Alexander Dru. New York: Pantheon Books, A close reading of this essay gives me the impression that it is not written from an understanding of the mystery of God and His works that He reveals in the mystery of salvation in the Bible.
One in three, and three in One. We, adult parents, teach this prayer to our children. All that is good and trustworthy, like, our food, home, family, sunshine, and rain, come to us from God the Father. God is the only one who never breaks His promises. Even discipline is love. Parents often do not do the promised discipline when the child does not obey, causing confusion and further disobedience.
I do not think that there is anything in my essay that would disagree with what you have said. If, however, you read the entirety of this lengthy article and you still came to this conclusion, then I apologize for not communicating clearly enough, which is always the challenge of writing.